Baby Faith…

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV): Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

This past October, Jeff and I were given an unexpected gift from the Lord.  We found out that we were pregnant and our due date would be July 27.  We were very surprised as we were not at all planning on having a child at the time.  We accepted this gift with much fear, yet rejoiced over the Lord’s desire for us to add another member to our family.

While I was in the early stages of my pregnancy, the Lord impressed upon my heart that we were to name the baby Faith.  In the past, we had never felt the Lord tell us what to name our children.  We picked out names for our other three that we liked and agreed on.  This time it was different, I very clearly felt that we were to name our child Faith.  Little did we know, this name would end up meaning much more than we anticipated or imagined.  On December 29th we were scheduled to have our very first OB appointment and were planning on telling our parents after that.  However, the Lord had a different plan.  On December 28th, I had a miscarriage.  The events of the miscarriage began at home and I was able to make it to the doctor’s office before I completed the passing of our precious baby Faith.  Jeff and I were completely devastated when this occurred.  I have been through many hard ships and dark valleys in my life, but I have to say that to date, this was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me.  I had no idea what the pain of losing a child felt like until this day.  In the past, I was able to sympathize with people when they lost a child but had no inclination of being able to empathize.  Until that day in December, I had no idea what that horrible pit felt like.  The doctors and nurses were absolutely amazing and caring.  I vividly remember the doctor consoling me and telling me how sorry he was.  I looked up at him with streams of tears and told him that “I am blessed” and went on to say that I had three beautiful children at home and that my heart just breaks for people who feel the pain that I currently felt without having other children to run home to and hug.  We left the doctor’s office in despair.  We left in complete darkness.  For several days, life could have stopped existing and I would not have cared.  I not only hurt but I ached.  Miscarrying this little “faith” was very painful.  Having something taken away from you that was truly a gift from the Lord, and much unexpected was almost like a tease.  Although I hurt, I had complete faith in the Lord that He had a perfect plan in all of the darkness that Jeff and I were facing.  After a few days of darkness and a week or so of slowly climbing up out of the pit, I was ready to face the future.  During this time, the Lord revealed His promise to me from Hebrews 11:1; Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This scripture became so real right before my eyes.  It became very clear to me why the Lord had previously impressed upon my heart that I was to name this baby Faith.  What a perfect name for a little being that I was honored to have knitted together in my womb for almost 10 weeks.  At that moment, Jeff and I needed faith more than ever.  We needed faith to trust again.  Faith to get out of the darkness that we were in at that moment. Faith to believe that the Lord had a perfect plan in allowing this to happen and faith to realize that He would allow this to occur in order to bring glory to Himself.

My dear friend, Keri wrote the following as a prayer for family during our loss of baby “Faith.”

 FAITH

Growing deep inside,

You were our little, sweet surprise.

Unexpected Blessings…

How sweet the sound.

Your name Faith,

We remember so proud.

This world is tough my little one…

Laugh and play until I come.

I know You are sad to see my tears…

Give Faith a hug and hold her for years.

I believe in things I cannot know…

Faith…

Her name…

He told me so.

Today was the day that I was supposed to deliver a new baby to the Paul family but the Lord had a different plan.  Instead, our family will release balloons at the beach in honor of baby Faith.  Tears may be shed but we know we will see our precious child in perfect form in heaven one day.  My prayer is that I will glorify the Lord through the memories of this loss and will be able to minister to and empathize with others who face similar darkness.

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23 thoughts on “Baby Faith…

  1. debbiedryden

    What a beautiful tribute to baby Faith. Heather, thank you for sharing your very personal story — I’m sure it will serve as an encouragement to others walking the same road. God is indeed faithful!

    Reply
  2. Charlotte Travis

    Precious Heather, This is so moving. Thank you for writing it down and sharing it. Thank you for validating the hardness and darkness, with the reminder of such hope and grace because of our amazing Redeemer. Love and prayers and I can’t wait to meet precious Faith when we’re all together in eternity.

    Reply
  3. Danielle

    Thanks for sharing, Heather! I had a misscarriage this past March but am now 13 weeks pregnant. I know the pain you are speaking of, but we are now anticipating the arrival of our first child on January 31st. Your post brought tears and smiles to my face. Love your heart!

    Reply
    1. heather paul Post author

      I am so sorry that you and Mike faced a miscarriage as well. I rejoice over your pregnancy news and will be praying for you. I still remember when I first met you when you were the leader in our home for THRIVe… and you thought you were pregnant. 🙂 You and Mike are going to be wonderful parents.

      Reply
  4. Bayne Duke

    Heather and Jeff, thank you for sharing such a precious and moving story of Faith, pain and joy in knowing what blessings God has for us His children. I for one can appreciate your “pit of emptiness” as I have two there waiting for me. One I lost or God saw fit to call home at birth and one at 33 yrs. old and as you are learning the pain will remain but God love and grace will help you move forward. I am so sorry and please know my love for you dear one. Bayne

    Reply
    1. heather paul Post author

      Thank you so much for your sweet comment Ms. Bayne. I know you know the pit too well. What a GLORIOUS day Heaven will be! Our Jesus and sweet children we shall see!

      Reply
  5. Sarah Ford

    John and I had a miscarriage in February. From the very beginning of finding out I was pregnant, God put this uneasiness on my heart (never had it before). I knew in my gut something was wrong. I was only 6 weeks along, but the loss was still there. God knows my heart and He knows I would have had such a strong connection later in pregnancy, so He took my baby before that. We are still trying to have another baby, but we are also thankful everyday for the 2 we have. Thanks for your story. It was very moving and the poem was beautiful!

    Reply
  6. Sue Roach

    Heather, I know you are anencouragement to all who read this blog, Especially to those who have or will walk ythis same path. I believe our trials teach us how to help and dncourage those going thru similar trials. I admire your Faith. What a fitting name for your little one, I look forwar to meeting one day.

    Reply
  7. Sharon Dean

    To my sweet cousin – may God dry all of those sad tears – you are such a wonderful person and Mom! I hold this verse very close to my heart as well – it is my birthday verse and I have it on my bedroom wall – your meaning of the verse brought new meaning to me — God bless you and your family!

    Reply
  8. tammylynns1

    Sweet Heather! I have been thinking about you guys this weekend and praying for peace and comfort. I hope that sharing your story in this way is a vivid reminder to you of what you already know in your heart to be true! That God is sovereign and loving and merciful even when we are scared and hurting. I love you! Sending hugs your way!!

    Reply
  9. Karon Bloodworth

    I had tears in my eyes after reading your blog.
    God be with you and your family!!!!!

    Paula & I attended High School together…
    Paula and our friends had wonderful times together….she gave a surprise Birthday party for me on my 16th Birthday.

    Reply
  10. Eric Cain

    I do know how you feel, and faith, by grace is a comfort and motivation to keep living His life in us. In May of 1983 (when I was still married) our first child was still-born. It still is hard, but God has given and given to keep walking with us. We now have two wonderful children and two blessed grandchildren. God bless y’all.

    Reply
  11. Pingback: Seasonal friends | Beauty for Ashes

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