I have nothing to say. No words come to mind for me to type. For those of you who know me well, chuckle, because I always have something to say. What can I “say”, talking is fun!
In my opinion, silence (unless you’re praying or sleeping) brings awkwardness. Maybe because growing up, my dad rarely had anything to say. We would sit in his car, just the two of us, for an hour-long drive and there would be complete silence for almost the entire hour. I always felt so awkward. Why weren’t we talking? Why wasn’t there anything to say? How come the silence drive after drive, year after year?
Maybe that is why silence is hard for me. Who knows. All I know right now is that I am silent. It is rather ironic that I am silent because as I type, my family and I are in New York City for the month while my husband works with Hurricane Sandy Disaster Relief. I am certain that silence is a word this city has yet to understand. There is noise everywhere you turn. Here you can’t pay for silence even if you wanted to. I am from Georgia… a southern gal… a long way from home. As much as I like to talk and how noisy our home gets sometimes with three young children, it doesn’t even compare to the noises here. Taxi’s honking, people hustling, city lights, noise..noise…noise.
Why in the world am I so silent? Why in the world do I have nothing to say? My family went through a stressful few days to get to NYC, working out all of the details and making sure everything fell into place in order for my husband to be able to do this job. We really needed this job. We were desperate for it. My mind was racing. I was stressed. Yet now, I am silent.
When I try to pray, I can’t even seem to find the words. The only thing that comes to mind over and over again is God’s word from Psalm 121. I have read it and written it down so many times in the past 2 days that I practically have all 8 verses memorized. It was in MY silence that HE spoke. It was in MY silence that HE moved. It was in my silence that He showed me that He is God and I am not. It was in MY silence that HE showed me to be still and rest in him. I had to let go and let God. I have no control over the situation, the circumstances or the outcome. I must trust Him. He is the ONE who helps me. He is the ONE who has a perfect plan. He is the ONE who holds the future. I learned that in silence. I learned that in being still before my Savior and allowing Him to whisper his sweet words unto me. When I am silent… HE speaks.
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.