As I lie here typing, I can feel his sweet baby’s breath on me… And hear his sweet little snoring as he drifts off to dreamland.
It is hard to even fathom that my little guy is now a two year old.
It’s hard to even imagine that I have been blessed with such a treasure.
I still ask the Lord… “What in the world did I do right to deserve him.” I know. I know. The Lord doesn’t work that way… But it certainly comes up in my thoughts all of the time.
You see… I had originally told the Lord, “NO!” No, to the thoughts of trying again to have another child. No to idea that it was a desire of the Lord’s for us to bring another life into this world… As if it were really up to me anyways, right?
You see, previously, I had a miscarriage… A miscarriage that wasn’t pretty. A miscarriage that hurt. Really hurt. My heart was sad. My heart really felt as if it were ripped into a million tiny, little pieces.
And months after the miscarriage… I felt a nudge from the Lord to try again. Believe again. Let that desire to be “fruitful and multiply” become a reality again.
And the thoughts of that… Put me smack dab right into the middle of a full fledged panic attack. A crazy panic attack that put me in the bed for 3 days. And from then on I was aware that I had an issue of anxiety.
A miscarriage. A panic attack. And anxiety.
That combo really gave me no other reason than to say NO to the Lord when He stirred my heart with the notion that once again He wanted to open my womb to new life.
“How could I Lord, I have anxiety?”
Why should I Lord? Clearly there was something wrong with me last time because I miscarried.” Crazy, crazy thoughts that were far from the truth.
I wrestled with God. I didn’t understand, why.
But day after day, week after week… In that sweet, still, small voice that He so often uses to speak… He persistently told me to try. To trust again. To believe again…
So I did.
I said Yes. Yes Lord… I will.
And funny how God always has a plan of His own and it’s usually into fruition before we even catch up to Him…
Before I even said “Yes God. I will try again.”
He had already breathed life into the little one He was creating in me. He was already at work knitting sweet Emory Roman together in my womb. While I was saying No… He had already said YES!!
And what an amazing YES it turned out to be.
Without believing again…
Without trusting again…
Without allowing my heart to catch up with
God’s perfect plan…
I could have lost out on an amazing little treasure named Emory Roman.
And today He turned two.
Two years of laughter.
Two years of JOY.
Two years of pure bliss and delight!
He lights up any room he enters and fills everyone’s heart with sunshine.
Emory Roman Paul… You are the best YES!
Happy Birthday lovie.
Romans 5:1-2 is Emory Roman’s