Living in more…

I’m beginning to feel the urgency to live…

 in “MORE.”

And perhaps my definition of more… looks quite different than what you may be expecting from the concept of living in more.

Living in more…

How many of us live pay check to paycheck?

Go about our days like clock work.

Do the same thing day after day after day?

But what if there is more to this life?

What if we have unfulfilled dreams and callings and desires? 

Why not start living in the more?

You see…

More is where the faith is.

More is where the trust is.

More is in the mundane and the simple.

Yet excites us like no other. 

Let’s stop living mediocre lives.

Let’s stop allowing comparison to be the theif of our joy.

Why not live in the more…

We don’t have to look the part, dress the part, blend in with the crowd…

You see…

More is so much different.

Living in more is going against the flow,

Daring to dream,

Looking different,

Standing out in the crowd,

 Living in more calls us to a life of 

generous giving,

intentional serving,

Being bold, brave and courageous.

Living in more calls us to live with less but to love much more. 

It calls us to give up and sacrifice, but to walk in abundance.

Strip yourself from all that entangles you… walk out on a limb… and step forward in a sold out life of MORE! 

A recent living in more opportunity was spent with my daughter at a tulip garden. This day was an ordinary, drizzly Sunday… she and I actually had a little “disagreement” earlier that day… and instead of allowing the day to be cloudy, rainy and filled with our yucky attitudes… we spontaneously stopped and picked tulips and decided to live in MORE! It changed our gloomy day and gloomy hearts and filled our souls with sunshine and beauty. 

We love finding fun little places to visit during our travels… and love meeting people and taking the time to hear their stories too. 

If you are in the Dallas area near Springtime, I highly recommend visiting Texas Tulips in Pilot Point, TX. Check their website first to make sure the tulips are still in bloom though. The tulips are beautiful and we stopped and chatted a bit with the owner’s wife and heard her story of their family moving to the states several years ago from Holland, as this was her husbands dream since he was a little boy. This family chose to “live in more.” They had a dream and made it a reality! He was a master tulip gardener in Holland and moved to Texas to open one of the few tulip gardens in the U.S. 

Lovely family and fabulous visit. Here’s a little photo of the owner and my daughter. 

Home

Kragle

My kids loved the Lego movie when it came out several years ago… In the movie, the dad used “Kragle” to hold the Legos together. Kragle was really KRAZY GLUE with several of the letters rubbed off to form the word KRAGLE. Our family still uses that word quite often in jokes and conversation. 

I was reminded of that fun word the other day while studying the Nicene Creed with IF Equip.  (Go to Ifequip.com or get the IF Gathering App for more info and to participate in this wonderful online study). We studied that through Jesus all things were made. Colossians 1 speaks of Jesus holding all things together (verse 17). And my mind automatically went to the thought that Jesus is our Kragle! 

Jesus holds our wounds together

Jesus holds our marriages together

Jesus holds our families together

Jesus holds our emotions together

Jesus holds our hearts together

Jesus holds us

Jesus strengthens us

Jesus forms us

And 

Jesus is our KRAGLE

In Him ALL things hold together! 

  
When you feel like you don’t have it all together, you can’t put things into place on your own and life is shattering around you… Let Jesus be the glue that binds everything together in perfect unity and love! 

If you’ve been around the blog for long, you know we are a traveling family and our current location just so happens to be close enough to LegoLand that we frequent there quite often. So, just because, I thought I would share a few pics from some of our fun days at LegoLand!    

   
    
   

  
 And we even had some good friends from Georgia come to town, so we were able to enjoy Lego Land with them!
          
  

    And speaking of my devotional time and how Jesus is our Kragel… I thought it was only fitting that we ended that day at Legoland… And snuck over to the Legoland hotel lobby. 😉 and I’m so glad we did because a little 3 yo boy from another country fell, busted his head and his poor, frantic mom couldn’t find dad or keep up with her other son.

So glad we snuck over and was in the right place at the right time so I could help out… And thankfully, with just a little “Kragel” the little guy was fine!

  

  

    

And as the saying goes at Lego Land… 

“Everything is awesome!”

   

Remember

It is hard to trust a known God with an unknown future,

But it is easy to remember all the ways He provided in the past. 

It is hard to close your eyes and simply follow the Lord and His plans for your life,

But it is easy to remember that His promises have always been true. 

It is hard to see and understand the big picture, 

But it is easy to remember the simplicity of right now…

Remember. 

Remember… that word was poured over me like a plentiful drink offering during my last Bible study with my sweet Minnesota girls.  

There we were, huddled together, forming a circle in Julie’s sitting room. Seven women sat digging into and discussing  a study on the Proverbs 31 woman… when the Holy Spirit prompted Cheri’s heart to ask me how I was doing with this traveling life that my family and I were on. 

She knew. She had heard my story.  I was transparent as I spoke to them about the ways our family had to simply trust the Lord with our unknown future. She knew that my husband’s contract in MN was soon coming to an end… And that we had no idea where we were going next… And she knew. She knew it was best to ask “how was my heart in all of this.”  

The asking of this question created a complete heart examination for me.  

My heart. Where is my heart in all of this? Am I trusting or stressing? Am I patiently waiting or anxiously trying to get ahead of God and figure out a plan of my own?  Am I sitting, resting and allowing the Lord to go before me and lead the way or am I taking matters into my own hands and getting ahead of what God has planned?  Those questions, were the ones I asked myself as I pondered the reply to her question about my heart.  And I suppose, I could ask the same questions to you… How is your heart?

Are you trusting instead of stressing…

Patiently waiting instead of anxiously planning…

Are you sitting…

Resting…

And allowing the Lord to pave the way? 

I have to trust God. I have to wait.  I have to rest and allow the Lord to lead us to what is next on the agenda for our adventurous life.  Resting and waiting comes with the territory of my husband’s line of work as an independent insurance adjuster. He is not given a new assignment until the current assignment is over… And if there happens to be any form of catastrophe i.e. flooding, a hurricane , a blizzard or hail storm… Then everything is on hold until it is determined if the storm becomes a natural disaster. For us, my husband just finished his 4 1/2 month Minnesota contract and now we are in a period of wait. 

When Cheri proposed the question regarding my heart… She also told me the Spirit was stirring her heart to tell me the word remember. 

I love it! Thank you Cheri for being open to the stirring of the Spirit of our Lord. 

During the wait I will rest and will remember…

• The beautiful lakes and scenery MN offered us.  The pictures will be present in my mind…permanently etched in my heart. 
• The quality time I shared at the campsite with my children on nature walks and swims in the pond. 
• Laughter, smiles and joy that was felt as treasured new friendships were established.
• How the Lord sent us to a church that not only would my kids love… But would say yes at to following the example of Jesus in baptism.

“Remember these moments.  Remember the now.”  Those were the words spoken over me that night in Bible study… and I am clinging tightly every word. 

And as I cling to those words of remember… I will rest, be still and trust the Lord to lead the way, to go before us and provide my husband’s next job. And in the middle of the wait… we will have joy in the journey. 

    

Psalm 46:10: Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted on the Earth. 

crazy faith

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

    he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

    Run to God! Run from evil!

Your body will glow with health,

    your very bones will vibrate with life!

Honor God with everything you own;

    give him the first and the best.

Your barns will burst,

    your wine vats will brim over.

But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;

    don’t sulk under his loving correction.

It’s the child he loves that God corrects;

    a father’s delight is behind all this.

        Proverbs 3:2-12 The Message 

Those words. They speak life. They are the breath of God on a page. They are truth. 

And they seep out of my husband to overflowing. I have watched those words transform my man for the past 12 years. Proverbs 3:5-6 is Jeff’s favorite verse. He smiles every time someone speaks of it or when it is read. 

Today is his birthday. Happiest of days my love!  Happy Happy birthday to you! 

I wanted to somehow express our genuine love for him through writing. I desired to tell him of our love and to let him know that we (me and our 4 little Paul’s) are on his team and are cheering him on… Especially on this very special day.  The day Jesus decided to give him life on this Earth. 

However, as a writer, you can’t just make words flow.  It’s not easy to just say “I’m gonna write” and you simply do it. At least that’s not the case for me. Anytime I feel the nudge from the Lord to put words on a page, I always pray they are Spirit filled and words the Lord would have me express. And today… I really, really wanted to write to my husband and tell him Happy Birthday. Kind of like my own, personal, birthday card to him… but nothing “Hallmarky” would spring forth in my writings… And then… I prayed… I asked the Lord to give me words to speak into my husband to express our love and gratitude towards him on this day of his birth. 

Jesus nudged me to open up scripture and read Jeff’s favorite verse… And so I did. 

I decided to read the passage from The Message (above) and was blown away because it beautifully displays the splendor of God in my husband. 

Jeff… You possess more faith and trust in the Lord than anyone I have ever met. 

You are quiet, gentle, meek and humble… Not loud and boisterous, so if one didn’t know you well, they may never know the qualities you possess in their fullness. 

You desire more than anything on this Earth, to love us well and to provide for our every need. God has called you to lead our family in such a way that may look strange to so many people.  A family of 6 living in a camper, traveling the country in order for you to provide sounds like such a crazy thing to do… But you prayed… You searched scriptures… You took a leap of faith and sent us on this incredible journey.  Here we are. And life is good! 

After each “deployment” or contract you accept… We never really know where we are going next until the door opens. For me, that is so scary.  I am always anxious and nervous when one assignment comes to an end because I never know when and where we will be headed next. To be honest, I always have plan A, B, C, D and sometimes E stowed away ready to pull out of my back pocket just in case God “doesn’t come through this time.” Although I know He will… He always has… And He always does.  He has called us to this life and I know in my head he will provide and lead the way… But in my heart I get nervous about the waiting for the next job part…

But you… 

You have it all under control. You trust God and have more faith than I could ever imagine.  I come with my tiny piece of “mustard seed faith” (thankfully, scripture says that’s all that is required)… But you… 

You have full on faith. Faith that doesn’t sit and wait for the mountain to move because you are already on the other side of the mountain with Jesus watching what He just did! Your faith is contagious! Your faith in Jesus is lovely. 

I pray to one day catch up with you and your amazing faith… But in the meantime… I will hold my little piece of mustard seed faith… While holding as tight as I can to your hand… Because I trust that you are holding on to the Lord as you lead this family well, on this crazy, traveling  journey of faith the Lord has us on! 

Happiest of Birthdays my love! 

  

paul6adventure

“Home is where the heart is,” it’s so cliche, but point on for our family.
If you know us personally or have been following #paul6adventure on social media… you have already figured out that we are a camper life family.

2015 started a new life… a new journey for our family. After much prayer, my husband decided to open his career up to travel opportunities and for him that would mean 3 or more months at a time on the road. I really didn’t want to be a single mom and daddy didn’t want to miss out on being a dad/husband… and since we had already homeschooled our children for the past 3 years… and planned on continuing to do so, we packed our bags… bought a travel trailer and hit the road.
Since January we have lived in West Virgina, Boston and are currently in the land of 10,000 lakes (Minnesota). My children have already seen more of the country and visited more historical sights than they probably would have in their lifetime had we not said yes to this adventurous life that the Lord had prepared for us in advance.
So that catches you up with where we are currently…
We have been called many things since embarking upon this life… adventurous, crazy, gypsies, obedient, faithful, “out there,” etc. etc. etc. All out of love, of course! at least I hope so 🙂 We truly have had so much support and love from all of our family and friends. I know we are not living the traditional “American Dream” kind of life… but who says you have to? The Lord opened up the door for us to embark upon this journey… and we decided to follow! This crazy life has its ups and downs… highs and lows… good days and bad days… just like any so called “normal” life. I am sure it won’t last forever… as our long term desire for our family is to one day settle down and live on a piece of land and open up a foster/orphan home so that we can love on little children for years and years to come. So, in the mean time… we are open for whatever and where ever the Lord would lead us.
In June, the door opened for us to rent out our beautiful home in Georgia. As hard as it was to fly south and pack up our things… I know it was from the Lord and something we needed to do. Financially it just made sense. Here are a few pics of the kids and I on our last night (for a long while) in our GA home that we love so much!

   
 
While the kids and I were home moving out of our GA house… daddy stayed behind in MN to work… and bought us a big surprise while we were gone… a new camper! We figured if we were permanently living/traveling and on the road… that we might as well have something that could feel a little more like a home. 

  

 We like to give a name to everything that we own… simply because that just makes life fun. So we would like to give you a tour of “Lighty”

The name couldn’t be more perfect. Our family scripture is Matthew 5:16 (NIV): In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 

 With Matthew 5:16 being our family verse and our new camper is a 38ft LIGHT by Open Range… so the name LIGHTY is just meant to be!
I have the word LIGHT hanging over our new camper door as a reminder that every time we enter in or leave… we are to “Shine the light of Jesus” everywhere we go.
  
I found these little tin letters in an adorably, quaint shop in Tybee Island, GA and just had to bring them with us to hang over the door in our new home too!
So now that you’ve come through the front door… Let me give ya a little tour… Remember it is a 38ft camper so the tour won’t take long. 🙂 

 Entertainment center as you walk in the front door.

This is our kitchen. We are so thankful for the island. Our GA home had the best kitchen ever so we are blessed to have a nice kitchen in this camper too!   

    

  

  

  

 Our living room. Having this much couch space in a camper is quite unusual so we are happy! The table can come down and be stored under the couch or you can pull out 2 tables and use both. 

  Doorway leading to the kids bunk room. 

 
The kids each have their own bunk and the bench/table can be lowered into a bed as well. It will come in good use for our little guy down the road… But for now, he is still in the pack n play at night.  We will do a majority of our schooling at the table! So glad we have a separate area for school and are no longer taking up the kitchen table!  

  

    
  

The kids have loved decorating their bunk area with their favorite things! 

And at the other end of the camper is our bedroom and the bathroom.

   
 Notice there is only one bathroom pic. That is because we only have 1 bathroom. Yikes! So far it really hasn’t been a problem though. And the Lord willing, our adventurous camper life will be over by the time the kids are teenagers! 

We wanted to decorate with a few little things that help make our camper feel more like a home and allows for the presence of the Lord to be felt.   
  

My girl and I were shopping in Michael’s one day and for no apparent reason, we were very silly and giddy. We laughed at anything and everything. Prior to leaving, I saw this in the clearance section and had to purchase it as a fond reminder of our special date together. It now hangs on the kids bedroom door.

  

A sweet friend made this chalkboard wall hanging for us before we left for this adventure. Our family’s theme song is Oceans by Hillsong so for the time being, I have some of the lyrics to the song written on the board as a daily reminder of our trust in the Lord. 

I won this little wood sign at a friend’s adoption fundraiser.  It is a great reminder to pray for several friends and their adoption journey, our desire to one day run an orphanage and to simply remember the truths from Matthew 17:20 (NIV): Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Thank you for touring our little home called LIGHTY!  We hope you will follow our #paul6adventure journey through this blog or by connecting with us on social media.  If home is where the heart is, I am learning that it really doesn’t matter the size of the home, the amount of money in the bank or the accumulation of things… But what matters most are the memories that are made and the amount of love that is shown… And in our little home… We will love well and SHINE HIS LIGHT! 

His plan…

He has a plan. He knows the plan and daily He is working that plan in and through you. That plan is specifically designed for you. Written by Him with you in mind. Before creation and the first breath of life came into existence… He had a plan.

There is no confusion in His plan. It is plain and simple… And His intentions are true and pure. His plan is the best and it is beautiful.
The confusion comes in when we “our fleshy selves” try and manipulate, detour or fix the plan. Confusion sets in when we rely on fear instead of faith. When we rely on faith… there will be peace. His word tells us that He is a God of peace and not disorder… (1 Corinthians 14:33).

The plan… His plan may be long. Hard. Curvy. Filled with valleys low and mountains high… At times you may question His plan and at times not even understand it… But at the core of all of that… You must rest in His truth. Truths found in His word. Promises to never leave or forsake you, promises that He knows the plan He has for you and promises to protect and care for you.

Just this past weekend, a very dear and very beautiful friend of mine said “I DO” to her Prince Charming!! She waited more years than she wanted to… Was the bridesmaid more times than she desired to be… The years of waiting was hard… But she endured them. Years of waiting, trusting, crying, leaning, doubting, and many, many lonely prayer filled nights on her knees all lead up to her speaking those two words. I. Do.
She married! She is a bride! Her day has come! He had a plan and He worked it out in her life. As she sits somewhere tropical today, enjoying her honeymoon… I can only image that every now and then… A tear fills her eye and her heart skips a beat as she rests in His plan for her. His beautiful, perfect plan.

You may not be somewhere tropical today as you rest in His plan. In fact, you may be in the middle of a valley… Days filled in darkness. May you be encouraged to rest in Him. Trust Him even when you don’t understand.
You may be in need of answers… And now… Trust Him… He has a perfect plan and is working it out in your life even now.

Ugly cry

My kiddos always look forward to attending Vacation Bible School (VBS) every summer. And this summer was no different. They actually attended two in one week, one in the morning and the other in the evening. The evening one ended up being not so enjoyable for my 6 year old. He didn’t seem overly joyful to attend and it unfortunately took me until day four to figure out why. (I will most definitely NOT be getting the mom of the year award for that one). 😦
You see, he doesn’t usually complain and is my “go with the flow” kid. However, on night 4 of VBS, his teacher offered to walk him to his class while I took the other 2 children to their rooms. He was reluctant to walk with her, but went along with that plan. After taking the other two to their class rooms, I felt the Spirit nudge me to peek in his room and check on him. I looked in the room and saw about 7 rows of chairs and the teacher at the front teaching the bible lesson. The first three rows were filled up with 6 yr olds (all girls)… The next three rows were empty… And there on the very last row with only one chair to that row… sat my sweet little guy all alone with his eyes full of tears. (Insert your own tears here). I took one look at him and my heart sunk. You see, my boy was all alone all week with a room full of girls. Being the only guy with a room full of girls might be the coolest thing on earth for a 16 year old…. But not so much when you are 6. I felt horrible. No wonder he was reluctant to go every night. What was going through his mind as he sat there all alone? Did he feel abandoned? Was he questioning my parenting skills and my love for him by making him go every night? My thoughts raced on and on.
He glanced over and saw me and his tears started flowing. I asked if he wanted to leave and he innocently shook his head “YES!” Poor guy. We got to the car and I just had myself a cry fest. I am not talking about a few tears… I mean that big ol’ ugly cry. I have a newborn, am sleep deprived and my hormones are raging so it was just a matter of time before that ugly cry bomb went off. Seeing my precious little one who never complains or speaks up for himself with tear filled eyes all alone was about all this mama could take.

I learned several lessons during this little cry fest over my little man.
1. Pay closer attention to my little people when they are hesitant to participate in something. (Hey, give me a little slack though… I had a 2 week old and was pulling “all nighters” at the time) 🙂
2. Although it took me 4 days to realize it… I eventually came to my sons rescue. I love how our Heavenly Father always comes to our rescue. He doesn’t take days to figure it out though. Thank you Jesus for always hearing our cries and rescuing us in our times of need.

3. We are never alone. Although we may at times feel like we are… Like my son felt in this situation… In reality Jesus is always with us. The Word tells us that God will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).

I wonder if my little man learned a thing or two through this situation as well. The theme for the week was about facing fears and trusting God. That is exactly what he had to do in his room full of girls.
2 Timothy 1:7: For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Thank you Jesus for always coming to our rescue. You are the true “super hero.” You are always near when we feel all alone or scared. You care for our every need and we can always trust in you. Thank you that we can place our little treasures into your hands and you will care for them.

Do you have a situation that you could share that led you to have that “ugly cry” moment or made you think you are NOT getting the parent of the year award?

Return to your rest…

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it.

Upon reading this verse, several words stick out to me.  Sovereign, return, rest, quietness, confidence, and strength.  When you read them…. do you not feel a sense of peace?  It makes me think, aahhh, I could just fall back into the arms of my Savior and rest in Him.  I am assured that is exactly what He wants us to do.  He commands it over and over again in scripture.

The verse ends with… “but you would have none of it.”   The book of Isaiah was written by the prophet Isaiah in order to call the nation of Judah back to God.  Judah turned to Egypt and other nations for their strength.  Their eyes were looking upon other idols and not the only One and True God who could save them.  The Lord wanted to call this nation back to Himself.  He told them that He alone could save them, bring them rest and would be their strength.

Are you returning, resting, and allowing Him to be your strength?  Or, like the nation of Judah, are you “having none of it.”  We are such independent people.  We think we can handle whatever situation that is before us all by ourselves.  What lies before you today that you need to lay down at the feet of Jesus?  Turn it over to him.  Surrender.  Return to him and rest in Him.  He tells us that in “quietness and confidence” in Him is where our strength shall be gained.

Be still before Him.  Rest in Him.  Quiet your heart and trust Him.  Fall back into the loving arms of Jesus today and let Him be your salvation.  He is your sanctuary.  Let Him handle whatever you are going through.  Let Him unfold His perfect plan for the trial or situation that lies ahead for you.  He is Sovereign.  He has a perfect plan… rest…just rest.

Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you  (Psalm 116:7).

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14).

To whom he said, “This is the resting place, let the weary rest”; and, “This is the place of repose”– but they would not listen (Isaiah 28:12).

The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever  (Isaiah 32:17).  

And our sweet baby boy has a name…

What’s in a name?  Greatness. Meaning. Character. Much is in a name.  Your name is one that will stick with you for life and will begin a lifetime of telling the world who you are.  The Lord is big on names, so much in fact, that many times in the Bible He chose to change certain characters names to give that person’s life and character new meaning.

Naming a child is a huge decision for a parent.  For some, the child’s name was decided for them from generations past because their name has been carried on from generation to generation.  For others, parents decide while the child is in the womb… and others wait until they have that first look at their little bundle of joy to name their child.  Well.. for this child that I am carrying in my womb… (if you know me well)…. you know there is a story behind the name of this precious child.  And this is how the story unfolds…

The day was Sunday, May 20,2012. I was sitting with Jeff at Passion City Church and it happened to be Baptism Sunday.  A few believers were baptized and then Louie came on stage to lead the congregation in prayer.  It was then that the Lord began to speak to my heart.  I know “hearing from the Lord” may be a strange concept for some… but believe me… when you hear from HIM, you know it.  The voice of the Lord is so distinct that you know it is God.  I felt as if the Lord was telling me that He wanted Jeff and I to have another child.  My best reaction was to totally ignore Him.  Yes, I just said ignore.  There was no way I was going to hear those words clearly.  I had three beautiful, healthy children… had previously miscarried, which was a very difficult situation to go through (you can read about that part of our story in a previous blog titled “Baby Faith”) … our lives were a little crazy at the time with being business owners of a business that was not doing so well financially… certainly God was kidding by speaking to me with such an idea.  I just knew He had the wrong girl.  I was most certain that He meant to whisper that idea into the ear of the lady behind me.  I continued to ignore… and the Lord continued to speak.  He even decided to speak through having a baby start crying all through the prayer.  Funny thing (or shall I say the “God thing”) was that the baby stopped immediately when Louie stopped praying. (After church, I asked Jeff if he heard the baby cry and he said “what are you talking about… I never heard a baby cry at all.”)  When the Lord speaks… He makes sure we know it is His voice.

After the prayer, I thought I was off the hook and would be able to push those words from the Lord to the side and brush them under the rug.  Well… the next person to be baptized was a little 6 year old named Emory.  The moment the child was introduced,  I felt as if not only was I to have a child but that I was to name the child Emory.  Again.. my reaction was to hit the IGNORE button.  (I can be sooo stubborn if I need to).

I then felt as if I were to read Romans 5:1-2.  When scripture was spoken to me, I decided to listen (just a little).  I opened my bible and turned to Romans 5:1-2 which reads: Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

I was in complete shock.  I had no idea why the Lord was speaking to me… why He gave me the name Emory… that scripture from Romans… and why in the world did He desire us to have another child.  I so badly wanted to pretend these words from the Lord were never spoken over me.

Again, I ignored those thoughts… church ended and our family went to lunch like we do most Sundays. Life would go on as normal as far as I was concerned.  I didn’t mention this conversation that I had had with the Lord to Jeff and tried my best to pretend it never took place.  We got to the restaurant. I ordered my food. Sat down to eat (with all three kids sitting on my side of the table arguing to sit next to me) :)… and life was good.  Then, in one second, everything changed…

I began to have an anxiety/panic attack.  This was the first time (and prayerfully the last time) this had ever happened to me.  I started shaking all over, my body felt as if it were tingly inside and out, head to toe.  I had an instant hot flash and began crying uncontrollably.  I felt completely out of control and had no ability to stop myself from feeling this way.  It was a horrible array of emotion that I want no other person to ever have to feel.  My husband was wonderful through the entire situation, but he was terrified himself and did not know what to do with me or for me.  He got me in the car and took me home.  He questioned many times to take me to the hospital because for two days I could not “snap out” of what was happening to me.  I didn’t even know who I was anymore.  It was a terrible feeling.  One that is even difficult to discuss.  I remember Jeff driving me home and putting me in the bed.

My laptop was sitting on my bed.  I looked over at it and on the screen was a picture of decorated wooden letters that a lady was selling.  You won’t even believe what the name was… EMORY!!!!! I was so weak and terrified and still in a state of anxiety that I quickly slammed the computer screen down and continued in my uncontrollable sob.  In that moment,  my “anxiety attack” began to make sense… I was in complete shock over what the Lord had spoken to me earlier that day during church.  It took me a few days to get over this episode and attack.  Life eventually went back to normal and month after month I tried my best to continue ignoring the Lord’s voice over me of His desire for us to have another child.

I finally explained this entire Sunday incident and situation to Jeff.  He was just as taken aback as I was.  He began to pray and seek the Lord’s will for our family and future children.  He too was terrified to bring another child into our family.  Month after month passed and we both kind of ignored the entire situation out of fear.  September came along and I had planned a big birthday trip for Jeff’s 40th birthday.  He had always desired to go to Boston to see the Red Sox play at Fenway.  It was on that trip that we decided the following month we would be obedient to the Lord and allow our family to try and bring another child into it. (Funny how we always think we have such control over things, isn’t it?) What is even more comical is the fact that I was ALREADY PREGNANT ON THIS TRIP BUT HAD NO IDEA!!!! I threw up once during the trip but thought it was a bad dinner.  These vomiting episodes continued when we got back to Georgia and we decided to take a pregnancy test.  Well… it is no secret what the little lines revealed. 🙂  We were PREGNANT.

I love that the Lord will work as He sees fit in our lives regardless of what we say or think.  I am so glad He is God and in control and I am not!  The shock only lasted for a bit and we began to rest in the excitement of this precious little gift and treasure from Heaven.  Blessed are we to be given such a gift.  Blessed are we to have a God who loves us beyond our understanding.  He is such a God of grace and mercy.  He loves when we are unworthy to be loved.  His love is greater than any could fathom.

When we found out we were pregnant we immediately knew we were to name the child Emory.  After finding out that we were having a boy the Lord revealed that his middle name was to be Roman because that was the scripture He revealed to me at church when he spoke His desire over me.

Emory Roman Paul!!! It fits so perfectly with our family because our first two children have JAP initials and our youngest (now 2 youngest) will have ERP initials.  We love you Emory Roman and cannot wait to meet you in June! What a little treasure from Heaven you already are and what JOY you have already brought to our family.

Romans 5:1-2 (NIV):Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

(Part two of this post where I discuss this verse and the meaning behind it for our family will come at a later time)